Last Friday, I was offered a job in our Berlin office. The European Marketing Manager asked me if I wanted to take the job when going back to Germany. This sounds like a great opportunity in the first place but after thinking about it for several days now, I am not sure anymore if it is the right thing to do.
The most important thing is that I actually gave up my job here in London to go back and be with my friends again. To finally settle down somewhere and have my own apartment. That is why I was planning to find a job in the Rhine area. I used to live there during my studies and I loved it. The landscape is beautiful, there are many big cities around but the area also gives you the possibility to live outside the big cities in a nice, quiet and beautiful area but with a great connection to the city. This is kind of what I imagined when I envisioned myself back in Germany. It is also an area which is close to my home town where some of my friends still live but also far enough away from my family so that they cannot just show up during the evening.
If I would move to Berlin, I would be living within the city since there is nothing really around it. I would also be living at least 3-4 hours by train away from the place where the majority of my friends lives. I love Berlin, always have, always will but it is just not the place where I want to settle. I always knew that.
First, I thought I could just take the offer and go there until I find something else. But that would mean a huge effort. I would actually move with my stuff to a place I don‘t want to settle. That means, in the long run, I will definitely be moving again. Thus, having my own apartment with furniture etc. would be stupid since the next move would be again 500km away. But that is exactly what I am longing for. I am longing for furnishing my own home, a home I am going to stay for at least longer than a year this time. I am so tired of moving, of living in different places and not having anything stable in my life. That is something I was complaining about here in London already, so why would I do the same mistake again?
On top of that, the salary of the job is not really good, the tasks will still be money focused and apparently, the managers in our German office are not the nicest people on earth. I don‘t see the point in me moving to Berlin now, knowing already that I won‘t stay. If at least the job would be well paid or if I could get a higher position over there, I think I would consider it more, but at the moment, I just can‘t see myself doing this.
I know, it is more an emotional decision but do we always have to decide rationally even if it is a job decision? Shouldn‘t our feelings play a major role in our decision? I wanted to leave London because I was not feeling happy here anymore. Shouldn‘t I go to a place where I know for sure that I will be happier?
And I am not completely unemployed. I still have my freelance job and I am also still taking the opportunity to travel for a while into consideration. Even if this means that I have to move in with my parents again for a while, I have so many friends around me with their own places where I can crash in between until I have a job and my own place. I have no idea where this hole settling-down feeling suddenly comes from. I have always loved being busy and living in different places but right now I only want to have a real home – my own home where I feel happy and safe. I still want to travel and see the whole world and I don‘t know if the urge for living in different places or countries will come back at some point but right now, I am ready to settle. I feel to old to live in shared flats or furnished flats. I want to have my own space, I want to create something for myself that makes me happy no matter how the rest of my life looks like.
I was so happy with my decision before to do all of this until I was offered this job. I started thinking and reassessing the pros and cons of doing this but in the end, I think, no matter how easy this solution is compared to giving up everything and not knowing when the next job will be available, I know for sure that it would not make me happy and I don‘t want to end up somewhere again where I am not happy, just complaining again until I realise that complaining does not help me.
I have this picture of me in my head having my own flat, walking along the Rhine river, having a Kölsch in Cologne with my friends or just driving to the Mosel area and buying great wine. At the same time, the cologne airport keeps me well connected with the rest of the world and Frankfurt is also relatively close. I would be able to see my friends in no time without planning ahead weeks ago. I can live in a quiet area without giving up the possibility to go shopping, to work or to go out in the city.
This is all I want right now and I think that it would make me incredibly happy!