Being sick and in bed for a whole day made me start thinking about my life. About my past, my present and my future. So far, I am pretty satisfied with my life. I’ve had great relationships, managed to get two university degrees and a job!
Many times, especially last summer and during my apprentice ship a few years ago, I was really depressed and thought that I was useless and there is no way that things would turn around and get better. Last summer, after the break up and after finishing my masters degree I was afraid of not finding a job, not finding the man of my life and not being able to be happy ever again.
What I realised o Friday was that even if things got really terrible, I never lost the faith in myself! I always believed in me and I knew that at some point I would find a job eventually and I know that there will also be the man of my life at some point in the future! My problem is that I cannot wait for things to happen. I want them straight away but sometimes it is better to wait and to be patient. Last summer, I thought I would never find a job but no matter how terrible I felt and no matter how many things I did not due to my depressing feelings, I never gave up applying for jobs because I knew the day would come on which I would be offered one! There were days I did not do anything else than reading job descriptions and writing CVs and cover letter. I was refusing to go out, change from my pyjama into normal cloths and I was not motivated enough to work on my master thesis because all of that did not seem important to me. At that time, the only important thing for me was to find a job as soon as possible because I knew that it would get me out of the misery.
Since I found the job, my life has been pretty stable. I love my work and I enjoy going out with friends again! I do not even mind being single anymore! Of course, sometimes I am sad about it but this feeling is far away from feeling depressed! Overall I love my life the way it is at the moment. Sure, I would not mind having a man around me but I am not desperate and I can keep myself busy with trying to fulfill all my dreams and I guess that’s the way it is supposed to be! Achieving one goal helped me out of my depression!
What I am trying to say here is, even if you feel terrible, even if you hate the whole world around you, don’t give up on your dreams. Figure out what the most important thing is for you at that moment and focus on that. Do not bury your head in the sand and do not give up fighting for what you want. Do it for yourself and you will see it helps you get out of your terrible state! Everything else comes back naturally after that…